I recall being pregnant and having (what felt like at the time) a bunch of mom friends and even strangers trying to ‘prepare’ me for motherhood. Comments like… enjoy going out to dinners with your husband while you still can, you definitely won’t have time to scrapbook after baby is born, you won’t be able to wear those beautiful beaded necklaces once you’re a mom and my favourite… your life will change forever!
As an overall positive person (who consciously makes the decision to always see the positive side to any situation) I found myself wanting to prove them all wrong. I wanted to show the world that I will still ‘date’ my husband, I will find me time to scrapbook and have my nails done at the salon and I will wear my hair down and wear beaded necklaces. Why? Because this is me and life as I knew it.
What we as women without kids don’t know (because you honestly don’t know until you become a mom) is the mom guilt, the way you instantly put your child before your needs and desires. Your child becomes your life – the instant they are born.
In the two-and-a-half years that I have been a mom to Maddie I can honestly say becoming a mom has by far been the greatest and hardest challenge I have ever had to endure. By great I mean the most amazing blessing and gift I could have ever ask for because growing, birthing and raising a child that has been made from you and the man you love – is the most liberating feeling I have ever experience. By challenging I mean I have.never.ever.ever. been challenged as much as I have since becoming a mom. Physically. mentally. financially. Children are hard work!
It is easy to lose sight of who you are other than being a mom because mommin’ is such hard work and it is all consuming. I know when I have spent an entire weekend day with Maddie and we have been busy non-stop trying to entertain her, deal with her tantrums and special requests on how I need to cut the apple… I have to dig deep to find the strength and endurance to ‘finish the race’ for the day and hell when I close that door after kissing her goodnight, I hear angel bells singing and I want to climb into bed myself! I have no strength or enthusiasm to want to sit down and have a glass of wine with my husband and I sure as hell don’t want to harness my creative side and scrapbook in the evenings.
In the exhaustion and mental slump that these kinds of days bring, it is hard to feel that there has got to be more to life than this… When you haven’t washed your hair in three days, haven’t straightened your hair in weeks and you haven’t bought yourself new clothes in years (yes cause we spend all our money buying the cutest outfits and toys for our children and it is often at our expense…) it is hard to look in the mirror at yourself with rings under your eyes, smudged eyeliner and tell yourself that you love yourself when you don’t even recognise who you are anymore…
We as mothers give so much as ourselves, it comes naturally to us and I think we forget who we are outside of being mothers and slowly lose sight of what fills our cup. I am sure you have heard the saying… you cannot fill someone else’s cup if yours is empty. How incredibly true? I know when I feel low on energy and suffocated in everything mommy related , I get irritable and snap at Maddie and it is not fair on her or me. Mommy guilt robs more from you than it gives back.
We often complain about the challenges we face of being a mom – juggling work, your marriage, your friendships, your tasks and finding time to do things you love but at the end of the day I am pretty sure there isn’t a single mom who wouldn’t change being a mom for the world!!
I love being a mom but I also love just being me, Monique… But the question is… can we have it all? As a mom, wife and woman, I deserve to spend some time focusing on myself and working on my dreams and I want to set an example for Maddie of self love and acceptance through my actions and attitude. But can we be a mom and give our kids our all while still filling our cup and being the successful working mom who enjoys pampering herself a couple of times a month at the salon, has her girls dinners, goes on regular dates with her husband, finds time for her hobbies and still live our best life? Can we find a find balance?
If I ask myself honestly if I am living my best life, I would probably answer no. There are ares in my life that I need to work on. I long for a deeper self awareness, I want to find time everyday to do something that makes me truly ‘come alive’ like a long walk on the promenade or scrapbooking late into the night and I want to better manage my time.
We all have a different vision to what living our best lives would look like but the common denominator is that we will all be better wives, partners, mothers, bosses, colleagues, employees and people if we tap into our inner happiness and prioritise our happiness.
So, this brings me to an opportunity I definitely couldn’t say no to and it couldn’t have come at a better time with the end of year slump I know a lot of us often experience.
My friend Caitlyn de Beer, (affectionately known as Kit) who is a mom herself of two, is a self-management life coach and speaker. She studied Clinical Psychology at Stellenbosch University and in her fifth year was introduced to life coaching and felt as if she had been handed her dream career. She has since spent the past five years coaching over 350 individuals from eight countries around the world as well as speaking at conferences and companies empowering individuals to learn, and embrace, what it means to manage one’s self and fall in love with your life!
The amazing news is she is bringing an AMAZING course to the mommy market that I cannot wait to start this October! Promising to help moms establish balance, let go of mommy guilt, love their lives again and ultimately work out a way to thrive in their new role as mom, home executive, boss/employee whilst still making time for things like exercise and me time…
“Mums living their best life” is a mentoring program that is set to start on 16 October (my birthday – YAY) and run through until 20 November. This online course will be an intimate group space where moms can come together and be reminded of who they are as a person, and not just a mom. It will be a space where you’ll be encouraged through three master class videos to work through an e-journal inspiring you to take control of your headspace and life again, and be held accountable and encouraged through live chats on Facebook and in a private Facebook group.
Sound amazing right?
Here’s what you will walk away with:
- A better understanding of what you at your BEST looks like at this stage of life
- A plan as to how include more me time into your mummy life
- A deeper self awareness
- A list of things that make you come alive
- A plan for how to make balance a reality in your life
- Self love activities ideas
- A new network of mums to encourage you on this journey
Take a look at this teaser from Caitlyn!
I am personally super excited to take part in the course and I want to encourage you all to sign up and join me in this journey in self-discovery and realisation.
The five week course is R1300 all inclusive HOWEVER Caitlyn is offering my readers R200 off the course when using the DISCOUNT CODE: Mondv_mums when signing up here: caitlyndebeer.com/mumslivingtheirbestlives/
The course is open to moms nation and worldwide. It is all online, done at your own time so no having to schedule time meet ups or share information you are not comfortable sharing!
Let’s forget the comments “Before I had kids, I…” and empower ourselves to live our happiest lives, doing what we love, whilst still rocking motherhood! Your future self will thank you for you taking this time NOW to prioritise yourself and not leave it for years to come.
I look forward to doing this course with you!
Until next time…
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