“Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mom…”
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine becoming a mother without having a mother of my own. When the news of my mom’s stage four cancer was spoken to me, I didn’t think as far as the day my daughter took her first breath…
I was 18-years-old when my mom passed away. I was two weeks into matric, I had my whole life to ‘achieve’ and I can honestly say that becoming a mom has been the hardest thing I have had to do without my mom.
Where do we learn how to be a mom? There isn’t a manual or a course to take… we learn all we know from our mothers. How they brought us up, things they used to do for us, things they said, believed in and of course the advice they give us.
Being a mom, without a mom has been a long, hard road. All I have to go on is the love she had for me and how ‘big’ she loved. Kindness, compassion and love… the rest has been learning to trust my way and rocking all my imperfections, learning from my mistakes and Googling…
It is hard for me to sit here and write this. Everything I know about being a mom and loving my daughter has come from my mom. I was raised by a single mom (I am the youngest of three) and my mother gave us her all! She loved fully, nurtured kindness, laughed through the hard times and radiated positivity. As a mom now myself, following my heart (filled with my mother’s love), trusting my gut and not being afraid to fail and learn from my mistakes (cause let’s be honest – there is no such thing as a perfect mother – only a real one) has been my saving grace.
When I look at Maddie I see love, a love that comes very close to that of my mother’s. I see my mom in Maddie. I am often brought to tears when I see so much of my mother in her.
Being a mom without a mom is a continuous journey… it is the small things and the big things too. Of course the birth, the first smile and the smalles thing like Maddie doing her first ballet lesson… lump in my throat kind of stuff!
It is seeing other little girl’s Maddie’s age with their grannies. Man, Maddie’s life is so much poorer without my mother’s love and presence in her life! My mother would have been Maddie’s number one fan. She would have loved her like no other.
There have been so many moments and milestones in my parenting journey that I wish I could pick up the phone and ask my mom. I wanted to know things like – how her pregnancy was with me, was I breastfeed, when did I start swimming lessons… no one can tell me these things…
How did she manage my emotions, discipline and did I have the same curly hair as Maddie when I was her age?
Nothing can prepare you for life without a mom. That unconditional love, support and bond is second to none.
I miss her, every, single day…
If I spoke to her today and asked her advice…I just know that my mom would tell me to trust my way and not be afraid to make mistakes. I am the mother I am today, because she loved me and I hope I pass that same feeling of unconditional love onto Maddie! Cause nothing helped me more in my life without her than knowing she was my number one fan and is rooting for me!
If you are a mom who has also lost her mom, how do you deal with not having that support around? Drop me a mail, a DM or comment below. I would love to hear from you.
This post is sponsored by Baby Dove South Africa.
Until next time…
http://www.beingmaddiesmom.com | @being_maddies_mom
Photographs by Tanya Jacobs Photography
6 thoughts on “Learning to be a mom”
You really pulled at my heart strings here. My mom passed away 4 years ago. Due to medical negligence. My daughter was 6 and my son was 4. My mom looked after my daughter, whilst I worked, up to the age of three. They were best friends. Just like you I long for those chats, moments of reassurance, guidance, support and love. All I know is that striving to give my children the love my mom gave me, would make her proud. My mom was also a single mom, since I was born. There is no greater love then a mothers.
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I cannot agree more! No one will EVER love you like your mom loves you! It’s an unconditional, indescribable love that comes second to none!
My mom passed away of a heartattack when I was 27. Two months after she passed away I found out that I was 4 weeks pregnant. What a surprise! My daughter is 15 months old now and everyday I wish I could ask my mom’s advice. If I just asked more questions about when I was a baby or just listened when she did tell me or gave advice. Luckily we are born with our own motherly instinct but my heart still aches for my mother and so much more since I became a mother.
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It never gets easier. I think we just get stronger ❤️
I loved this post Monique – so honest and heartfelt. Thank you for sharing.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the feedback ❤️